The LFA Gift Guide
For the lesbian, the New Yorker, the chef, and/or the stoner in your life. Plus bonus answers to your submissions!
When we (culture, gay people, team building exercise facilitators) talk about The Love Languages (five ways that people express love) I always balk a bit at “Gift Giving”. Nestled between Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service is “Gift Giving” which always makes me giggle a bit because it’s like…what exactly do you mean? What do you mean receiving gifts is your love language because like...sure? Because like… same, btw. Because like…yas!
I would surely love anyone who gives me gifts. In fact, my Venmo is @Hayley-Yates, my favorite flowers are dahlias, my shoe size is W10, my ring size is somewhere between 7 and 8, and I typically wear size large. Awwww thanks!
Of course, I am being reductive and exaggerating my feelings here. This framework of expressing and receiving love is valuable, and gift-giving is a beautiful way to express your love. To be known is to be seen, and this can so often be reflected in a gift. It is special, it is sweet, and it sometimes requires a bit of inspiration (can’t start a fire without a spark) so here I come with an LFA-approved gift guide.
Beauty!
My “beauty routine” is mostly contained to keeping lips un-chapped, making my eyebrows look naturally thicker and fuller, having a bit of color on my cheeks, and making sure my skin and hair are as healthy as can be. If this applies to you or a loved one, here’s what I think you should be browsing (these are all things I use and endorse).
For the lips
Topicals Slick Salve ($16)
Dr. Dan’s Cortibalm ($10, the ONLY thing that cures perma-chapped lips)
Star Balm ($7)
For the Face
Glossier Haloscope ($22)
Gummy Styling Wax and Spoolies ($15, my sister put me onto this eyebrow comb and no product compares)
For the Skin and Hair
Dr. Dennis Gross Universal Peel Pads ($20-$90)
Cetaphil Face Wash and Moisturizer ($15, ditch expensive stuff, this is the GOAT)
Olaplex N7 Hair Oil ($30)
Hair Wax Stick ($8)
Just For Men Beard Dye ($10, for at-home eyebrow tinting)
Beef Tallow Moisturizer ($18, I make my own but highly recommend this for winter)
Gardening!
I love imbibing: good wine, hoppy beer, strong cocktails, etc. But if you follow LFA or know me in real life, you know that I often seek an alternative to the tune of THC. The internet has turned the verbiage of “being stoned” into “gardening” (popularized on TikTok to skirt around community guidelines) which I kind of hate? “Stoned” is much more fun to say - it makes me think of the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, movies like Pineapple Express and Smiley Face, and good ol’ fashioned giggling.
I love how culture is moving toward accepting THC as an equal to alcohol, but I think the most important cultural fallacy is that people, mainly POC, are still incarcerated for marijuana-related charges while we (mainly white, and including most household name publications) are making cutesy stoner gift guides. Donate to The Last Prisoner Project, or The DPA supporting the Marijuana Justice Coalition in a loved one’s name, or in addition to one of the ideas below.
A case of Cann ($55+, my favorite is the cranberry sage)
Seth Rogan’s Houseplant Ash Tray ($75-$295, they’re all too epic I couldn’t pick just one)
Rose Ground Cherry Cola Gummies ($45)
Sackville’s I <3 NY Apple Grinder ($50)
Food!
For the home cook, for the professional cook, for the aspirational cook, for the person who doesn’t like cooking but likes eating and wants to feel included, for the person who loves kitchy kitchen stuff to look at but never use…
Cookman pants ($54+)
Cunty salt and pepper shakers like these radicchio ones ($68 or just browse eBay)
Fredericks and Mae cutting board ($40-$95)
Duralex mini bowl set ($30, level up your mise en place)
Luxardo Cherries ($20)
A glassware set from Coming Soon ($45-$300)
Some fun DTC pantry goods: Dam Good english muffins, Fishwife tinned fish, Fly by Jing chili crisp
M-W membership ($250, epic-swag-cool-NYC-food-people in your life would love this)
Le Puzz Food Puzzle ($38)
Mini food processor ($40)
A salt cellar ($20, to keep your kosher salt at counter height)
Overpriced tomato-scented things like this soap ($46) or this candle ($120)
Ornate or decorative butter dish, ($29 but browse around, check eBay too)
New York!
I know this is a bit specific, but I think these NYC gifts would rock. Obviously it is not landing/applicable for those outside NY, sorry. Please do not get confused and buy this for your family member in LA.
Citi bike membership ($219/yr)
Keap candle ($54, this is the candle in EVERY cool girl NYC bar bathroom)
Whitney membership ($102/yr)
Gift card to a fabulous dinner somewhere like Hart’s, Keens, or Thai Diner
Coffee cup cuteness ($33)
Friends!
I am so lucky to have an amazing community of creative friends. It comes with the territory of being gay in New York, I think? It is built into my life here, this web of “creatives” and people doing cool shit. It is special - and these people are special (to me, and to many) so here are some fun ideas for gifts that support my epic friends.
Give a Gay Choreographer dance class: Venmo your loved one $25-30 dollars with the message “for the next Intro To Pop Star Dance Class” for the gift of the century
Give a Butchers NY piece: shop from the Instagram here
Give a subscription to Hunter’s newsletter Hung Up
Give an Exploration Live! Patreon Membership so that your loved one can get BTS/additional content from Natalie and Charlie
Give a Max Wittert piece, DM him to inquire
Give a museum-worthy lighter, can opener, or spoon made by Frank (The Perfect Nothing)
Give an Apt 2 Bread mirror, handmade bread crafted to a mirror and coated in resin
Give a cameo from resident TikTok star Marty Miller (or buy merch!)
Give a subscription to Hilton’s Substack “Babbling On” or commission them for a drawing
Give a “gift card” for a Nailed by Cam nail appt! DM Cam and ask to pay for a loved one’s next appt (you can work with them on how much this will cost + leave gratuity so it can be transacationelss at the time of the appt)
Give a gift card to Dinner Party to support my coworkers, friends, and place of employment
Give something from Wake’s brand, 8 Hour Apparrel, that is a “chaotic mix of communism, kitsch, and tank tops”
Submissions!
On Instagram, I asked what other gift guide categories you’d want to see. Some of you have very specific requests, which I am fully addicted to. Here’s my take on your submissions:
For the “Workplace Crush”: first, write a handwritten card. Make it cute, funny, and flirty, ok? Be earnest, and be bold. Then give them earrings, a cute ring, a travel size fragrance, a tie, a necklace - any small accessory - and say how you saw this and thought about them and can’t wait to see them wear it because it will look so good on them etc etc. Another great idea would be something like a nice jar of chili crisp, a freaky condiment, a good oil or vinegar with the message in the card about how you should take a lunch break together and try this on your [grain bowl, sandwich, salad] together.
I also got a submission for a regular degular crush and I think the best move here would be to invite them over for dinner (where you cook). Make date night pork chop and get a good bottle of wine. Work on the playlist ahead of time. Focus on the core tenant of being a good host: anticipating needs! Get intel on dietary restrictions/allergies/preferences so the food is right and they don’t have anxiety, make sure you have an extra pair of pajamas if you want to change into comfies for a movie on the couch later, do the dishes and don’t let crush life a finger. In general, fortune favors the bold.
For the “Transient Childhood Bestie Who Has No Storage: a nice macrame plant hanger (hangs from the ceiling so that it doesn’t occupy counter space) and a gift card to a plant store in their home city. Or good coffee and a mug from your home city. Maybe a nice frame with a picture of you two in the grips of puberty’s cruel claws.
For “The Chic Homemaker”: a sleeper hit for this category is the MoMa Design Store: chic cheese accessories, a fruit bowl that’s pretty (but not something one would typically buy for themselves), Matisse slippers, you get the idea!
For “The Bored Niece”: I do not have nieces, but do have the brain of a child with a short attention span so I would say: this board game keeps me locked tf in, lower priced makeup like ColourPop (fun palettes, fun colors) would be dazzling, squiggly straws (or a custom one with her name) for fun nostalgia, or anything matching (necklaces, pajamas, etc) because all I wanted to do when I was a little kid was relate to older girls.
For Dad: bridge the cap between cool city kid and older man with brands like Carhartt and The North Face: beanies and hats, tote bags, or logo t-shirts. Get a Warby Parker gift card and go shopping with him for cooler frames than what he wears. Buy him sneakers that you consider “dad cool” for yourself but now it’s for your actual dad. Shop Lululemon for men, they have some hits. Or just hit him with some Fancy Potato Chips.
For A “Sober Ass Bitch”: outfit their mocktails with fun ice, fun straws, and fun cups. Provide new products for their NA bar cart like Tilden, Ghia, and Figlia. Set them up for a coffee & drink syrup-making lab: get them little bottles, funnels, strainers, and think up some cool ideas together: salty maple coffee syrup or strawberry sumac syrup to mix with seltzer.
For “A Female Bisexual Going Out With A Lot Of Gay Boys”: well the obvious answer is to stock up on your VCR cleaner from the bodega (plus how fun is this poppers scented candle). Get cute shoes that are made for long nights on the dance floor like Vagabond Boots (Docs take too long to break in). Oh! and wear these jeans.
For the "Girl Who Has Everything”: if modern trends and this year’s fad items are covered, you must go back to the archives. Get her a Limited Too shirt from Depop. Get her a Tamagatchi. Get her something from Spencer’s, like a studded belt. Get her a pink Sony CyberShot digital camera and a lightning cable that plugs into her phone. Get her something that says, “hey miss queen…remember who you were before you had access to knowing about every trend?”
loooove this sm and can confirm as a sober ass b*tch i would love any of those items